Neena's Place

2001-05-13, 10:00 p.m.

All the Old Entries from My Other Old Blog (long)

[4/17/2001 11:26:07 PM ]

i wonder if [snip1] is pregnant. is that why [snip2] is finally marrying her? if so she's gonna be huge on the cruise...

gotta love these deep meaningful thoughts i keep having.

i'll bet nobody reads my bookmarks blog.

[4/17/2001 11:09:58 PM ]

luke is funny. he's the one who would have real moral conniptions about running a porn site. he just tries to get me all riled up. if i ever posed naked (haha) he'd have a fit.

dominique swain is in this movie called 'girl.' i'd like to see 'lolita' first.

rented 'loser' starring mena suvari.

stream of consciousness question: so why do i connect mena suvari and dominique swain with the word NAKED? hah!

[4/17/2001 10:39:39 PM ]

i hate our loan guy. i hate the way he said his job is so easy he doesn't need a college degree. i hate the way he tries to dodge our questions and then pretend everybody else is trying to screw us. i hate him. i really really hate him. but i really really like sour patch kids. they're yummilicious. who knew.

that said, luke's willing to turn the cam into a business commodity. once we have a cam again, that is, which won't happen for another 2, 3 months at least. he wants to make cam merchandise. i don't know about this. i'm much more certain of the appeal of naked college girls than a married couple with a cute baby.

maybe we should get a roommate, luke suggests. rent out michael's little brother/sister's room to a naked college girl?

haha, very funny, i said.

[4/17/2001 9:47:39 PM ]

so [snip] asked if luke wanted to get involved in a porn site scheme. luke mentioned it during dinner and it became the topic of conversation for the next 2 hours. my thoughts?

what's his business model? i asked.

he wants to put up pictures and charge pervs 20 bux a month and retire at age 40, luke said.

people don't want to see pictures. they want video or live cams. i said. and 20 bux is way too much. they can subscribe to playboy and look at professional models for that kind of money.

back and forth, back and forth we went. then it finally hit me, [snip] probably has no intentions of having me get involved. the dufus took one dreamweaver class and now he thinks he's a web designer. he probably has no intention of giving luke any power either. so why would we want to lend him our talents?

i'm going to write about this, i said.

oh hell, there's no way i'm getting involved then! luke said.

and that is the end of that.

[4/17/2001 9:35:22 PM ]

michael likes to BOO us. we usually pretend to act startled, but tonight it was real. while luke and i were talking michael snuck right up to luke's elbow and yelled BOO!!! and luke practically jumped out of his chair. hehehehehe.

[4/17/2001 1:44:57 PM ]

i would like to simplify my life by moving to a small island nation and knitting fishing nets for a living. oh wait, i don't know how to knit. well i'm screwed.

[4/17/2001 1:39:32 PM ]

grrrreeeeaaaaaat. now the lender is trying to screw us. and it's only tuesday.

tried the boba from the campus food place. it tastes average and costs too much. :-P

[4/17/2001 1:15:05 PM ]

the kiddies were so cute! and the center is really really big. [snip] and i got the full tour. the price is comparable to what we are paying right now. if we think michael might outgrow the sitter's i think we should seriously consider this. the required parental volunteering depends on the hours a kid stays there, and for a full day that means either luke or i would have to volunteer 2 hours a week OR we bring snacks OR we come in during volunteer day and work 4 hours.

then i asked how many kids stay all day and she says only about 5 kids stay past 5. also they're not open during quarter breaks. those are serious hindrances.

[4/17/2001 11:12:04 AM ]

going to visit the child care center with [snip] instead of pump iron today. they got a new lamb. that should be cute. wish i had the camera.

[4/17/2001 10:58:26 AM ]

having trouble making this thing work on the new site :-P

[4/17/2001 9:50:56 AM ]

Evil evil evil cruise advertisers. sigh...

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[4/17/2001 9:48:58 AM ]

today is the official start of summer registration and i STILL couldn't register. this has got to be a sign that i shouldn't take classes this summer. :-)

i feel totally unaffected by the workout yesterday. guess i'll go pump some more iron today.

[4/17/2001 8:48:08 AM ]

the battery in my palm died before i had a chance to back it up. this is the second or third time i've lost everything in my palm. i admit mostly it's because i'm not used to using it yet, and i've probably got the files 2 versions ago backed up somewhere. i just wish it was easier.

[4/17/2001 8:46:02 AM ]

transferring our site over to a new host. it's so tedious. i hope our old host doesn't go down before we're done.

[snip] is asking me HTML questions. she's taking a web design class and it's so funny. she's such a impatient perfectionist and there are so many things that can go wrong in the course of making a web page, but she never bothered to understand that, just kept giving me orders to do things now now now. and now she gets to walk a mile in my shoes.

[4/17/2001 8:35:12 AM ]

luke said his coworker who graduated from ucla got her car keyed by a usc grad. eeeeeesh.

then he asked whether our school would benefit from having a football team. after initially tossing out an irreverent answer ("i've never gone to a school with a football team; why start now?") i thought about it and said, yeah and nay. i think a lot of the students want something to cheer for. school spirit is nice and all, but only if it's not forced on the students like the mandatory pep rallies in high school. :-P

and i don't like jock culture. they were the assholes that put murderous thoughts in luke's head. besides, here they always force the athletes to live in the dorms, where sexual harassment is rampant. now if they sequestered the big guys in a male-only dorms and didn't allow any female visitors, then yeah, let's go for it. i can't say our other student athletes have been bad role models. both the men's and women's basketball teams do a lot of charitable work. now if they could get someone like Shane Falco *grin* i'd cheer too.

[4/16/2001 10:45:14 PM ]

luke said the mortgage lady has the same unique name as this girl he had a crush on a looooong time ago. i think it would be hilarious if she was the same person. he said he stalked her for a good month. i started feeling a little jealous, so he tried to make me feel better and said he tried to stalk me too, but then we started dating and he didn't have to stalk me anymore. but he only stalked me for like, a day. *pout*

[4/16/2001 10:35:55 PM ]

ohhhhmmmm. i'm meditating. i think the fact that i haven't been able to register for summer semester after all the effort i've put into it is a sign that i shouldn't take any classes this summer. i think the programming courses work wants me to take will be quite enough. nevertheless, i feel like a slacker for it.

yesterday [snip] showed us his new tattoo. it was only halfway done. the itching was driving him nuts, but it was gorgeous. somehow he had finagled it so that he gets it done free as long as the artist gets to take pictures. i think it would be cool if the artist won some award for it. then [snip] can say he's got an award-winning tat on his leg. heh.

[4/16/2001 10:23:05 PM ]

got a stupid email from a stupid professor that i hope i will never have the ill-fortune to take a class from. then tried to sign up with a new provider but their online signup is not working. then had to write a letter to our ill-fated service provider asking for a refund. DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!! don't feel so good right now.

*breathe in, breathe out* trying to look on the bright side

--paper signing went well.

--stopped at a funky furniture store. many interesting possibilities

--sent 2 postcards to old folks tonight. hope it'll brighten their day, whenever it gets to them.

--the interest on 2 of my student loans went DOWN, yippee!

okay i feel a lot better now.

[4/16/2001 3:29:25 PM ]

so i was gossiping with the vowels after lunch/workout and they've both been dissed by the big guy before. but [snip] was wearing two little stars on her hand, which was the first i'd heard of it. i'm backtracking here and doing a poor job of it.

woman from mortgage company called to verify our employment histories. i've worked on campus on and off since '91 and continuously since '97 and HR told her i haven't been here 2 years yet. GRRR. luke gave her the full scoop as well as all the phone numbers she needed. he said she thought it was pretty funny.

the crackers, the phone registration, and the big guy. that makes 3. i'm done for the day. THIS BETTER GO RIGHT.

[4/16/2001 3:03:09 PM ]

i hate this. the phone registration system is experiencing problems. i've tried to register for summer semester 6 times since friday and it's not a toll-free number either. tttthhhhhpphhhht.

easter was lovely. had lunch with mom and [snip], who gave michael a little beanie rabbit, but he's not into stuffed things right now so he kind of tossed it aside and started playing with the legos and plastic farm animals. i was a little embarassed. must remember to send her a thank-you card.

sis said she got the postcard i sent from the usps.com website last friday. that's a 5-day turnaround. that's really really bad. :-( but she said the print quality was great. i'll probably keep using the service. maybe send [snip] a thank-you postcard?

[4/16/2001 2:25:18 PM ]

just found out [snip1] gives stars to people who are doing a good job. um, she's never given me one, and i've gotten kudos from everybody else. oh me, i'm so sad. HA! not really, but i am slightly perturbed.

got the email survey again. i like filling it out every few months because my responses change everytime. this one didn't have the ice cream question, but i don't know what i'd put anyway. right now i'm sick of ice cream.

i might have worked out a little too hard. i'll probably hurt tomorrow.

so there's this thing called the n-lunch instigated by [snip2], who wants to invite me to the next one, except i don't really want to go, PLUS the vowels will get left out, and i happen to like the vowels better than the n's... this is stupid. what are we, in junior high???

[4/16/2001 12:08:51 PM ]

[snip1] and [snip2] are getting a divorce. it was bound to happen. they haven't been sympatico for years. but it's still a sad thing.

thanks to the house papers we need to sign we get to skip out on dinner with la familia. [snip3] said she'll make our excuses for us. teehee.

i can't believe it's already noon. going to work out.

[4/16/2001 11:42:55 AM ]

we had a fight this morning and now luke is sending me all these mp3s via icq.

i've got this grin on my face i can't suppress. i'm the luckiest woman in the world.

[4/16/2001 10:44:11 AM ]

shit.

our domain/web hosting company was hit by crackers last week and now visa/mastercard won't allow them to process payments. so they're going under. now we have to look for a new hosting service FAST or the site goes down.

i better check to see there aren't any strange charges on our credit card.

[4/15/2001 10:47:56 PM ]

i hardly browse the web anymore. i visit 1 or 2 websites regularly, maybe 3 or 4 if i hear luke getting all riled up about something on his web browser. even though we've got a web presence i hardly pay attention to what's going on out there.

luke wants to get infrared cams for a home security system after we move. we also want to replace the non-working dishwasher and the questionable stove.

[snip] called tonight. i was so surprised. i thought she'd be taking easter off but i guess she checks her voice mail. anyway the darling woman wants to meet with us tomorrow night regarding the inspection report. she's writing up a thingie to give to the other agent about the asbestos. she asked if we wanted to say anything about the non-working kitchen appliances and i said, nah, we're prepared to replace it.

i'm so drunk right now. been drinking too much lately.

[4/15/2001 6:58:39 PM ]

8 moves in 8 years. that is what has brought an end to my romance with books. they're space hoggers. they're dust collectors. and most of all, they don't travel well. but i can't bring myself to toss or even give away all my boxes of books that i never read anymore. i'm such a sentimental shmuck.

[4/15/2001 6:45:14 PM ]

so we're going on the cruise. i'm glad the decision has been made. now i can look forward to it without feeling too bad. like buy a new dress, get my hair done, and get in shape so i'll look fantastic on the trip and [snip] can hate me even more. she cracks me up. with anybody else i'd try harder to befriend, but someone who worships dan quayle? ha! anyway it's too easy to get on her bad side. all anyone has to do is weigh less than she does. the way she's ballooned up she probably hates rosie o'donnell.

[4/15/2001 6:34:36 PM ]

i'm getting so sick of people dissing china for the spy plane incident. every slow news day (which seems to have been every damn day this week) the radio jock-eez try to turn it into a new joke. sure china is led by prideful power mongers, but the u.s. is being led by a tard who's taking orders from his double-talking cronies and whose pockets are being lined by oil barons who, unlike microsoft and ma bell, are gonna get away with *their* deadly sins because the people of this country are fucking blind. i'm so sick of this country's mindless good-guy bad-guy beer-drinking crotch-grabbing sunday-football WWF gladiator culture. sometimes i just wanna defect. or pay off a sniper. or both.

[4/13/2001 3:35:08 PM ]

i'm not thinking real deep thoughts right now. just trying to survive.

i don't spend time by myself anymore. most of the time i don't miss it, but sometimes i think it might do me some good.

i've told several different people the energizer bunny story now. i should write it in the baby updates. [snip] wants me to bring a videotape of michael to work so she can hear the way he laughs. it's so cute.

luke had filled out a comment card for the campus food place thinking that his name and number would be left off if they post it on their bulletin board. today he found out they posted their response to his original with his name and number fully visible. i thought that was incredibly rude, but it's really not surprising since we already knew what a bastard the food manager is. so luke took his card off the board. it's not as if the manager is going to notice since they've got really old flyers gathering dust up there.

[4/13/2001 11:57:50 AM ]

drank an extra boba from yesterday for breakfast this morning. the tapioca pearls were a little too tough so i just drank the tea. man i don't know how much caffeine is in that thing but man is it INVIGORATING. woooooo wheeeeee! i'm buzzing so much my desk is almost clean.

[4/13/2001 9:46:35 AM ]

yesterday i told [snip1] and [snip2] about how michael runs around at midnight squealing while we lie on the living room floor exhausted and how he comes over, sits on my tummy, and *bounces* up and down laughing. they thought it was hilarious. [snip2] of course had to insert her 2 cents about how we're spoiling him by letting him get away with it. then i told her how he throws up when he's upset and she shut her trap up.

yeah, it's so easy to mother other people's children. i admit there are plenty of bad parents out there, but i refuse to be cast as one. i am a good mother dammit.

had another commuting epiphany this morning. my 2 favorite tv shows--gilmore girls and charmed--both star actresses with dark hair. subconscious need to find dark-haired role models? i've only really dyed my hair twice: 1st time purple, 2nd time red. both were disappointments, and i re-dyed to black again. but now that i have a hair style i like i don't want to dye it anymore. i like the witchy woman look.

brian said henna tattoos are done with brushes. must be a pretty small brush to get so detailed. haven't gotten him to commit yet. maybe after his exploding art project is done, or i can do it myself on my left arm.

[4/13/2001 9:11:58 AM ]

i slept all right last night, but luke only got 6 hours. michael woke him up 3 times. mom said neither luke nor brian slept well as babies. maybe it's just in michael's genes?

so the former boss is up for review. [snip] encouraged me to submit comments. she even went to the trouble of finding out whether reviewees get to see the comments. (they don't.) i might submit something.

it's that time of the month again.

[4/12/2001 10:05:22 PM ]

written at 10:30pm

another difficult night. michael is screaming in his crib right now. we're waiting at least 10 minutes before going back to console him. it'll probably end up being 5 because i'm a softy and luke doesn't want him to throw up. we try not to spoil him, but what are we supposed to do when he gets so upset he screams until he vomits?

i keep getting emails from students and staff about stuff wrong on the web page that i have very little control over, so i tried to talk to [snip] about it, and her attitude was like, don't worry about it, you can only do so much. since i couldn't get her in the heart department i went with fear and paranoia instead and told her about how up close and personal students could get, like back when i was teaching how one of my (female) officemates got threatened by a (male) student and if another (male) officemate hadn't been there, who knows what could have happened. so she took me seriously and suggested some real solutions.

just went and checked up on michael. like that scene in the tell-tale heart where the man took a hundred pages to open the damn door, i never knew how loud a door could be. it took me at least a minute to turn the knob all the way, all the while hearing all the little gears clicking, and another minute to push the door sideways away from the door frame so it wouldn't stick when i *finally* opened the door, fully expecting michael to be standing there, ready to scream at the first sight of a parent. but he was asleep on his tummy with his little butt in the air. so cute. now if only he'd sleep thru the night.

going to change the url again soon. i'm a paranoid one.

[4/12/2001 2:43:55 PM ]

i couldn't wait for luke to read my story this time. what a difference one issue makes. this time i felt a lot more comfortable with the topic, which really really helped. but during the interview i had an awful cold. i kept sneezing and coughing and croaking out questions. afterwards i felt so sick i couldn't remember a single thing i'd said, but in the recording i sounded really coherent. kind of like conversations i've had while asleep.

icq convo with luke:

luke: awesome story sweetie :-)

me: you really like it? kewl! :-))))))

luke: very much... it's exciting!

i feel like a happy little plant growing big and strong on positive reinforcement!!! mmm, that was a bit much.

[4/12/2001 1:55:24 PM ]

[snip1] sent me a huge box of goodies from nu yawk! just picked it up from the post office at lunch (that's what i get for having a tiny mail box) and now it's sitting in my office, waiting for me to finish lunch. :-)

lunch is sushi and shrimp chips. [snip2] came in and saw the shrimp chips and asked for a taste. then she made a face. not a single non-asian person i know likes shrimp chips. they all think it tastes funny. but it's not as if there's much shrimp in there.

we re-watched part of 'the matrix' on dvd last night, the good parts. then we watched the making-of segment, which was a good thing because it helped bring me back to reality. after watching 'the matrix' i always find myself mumbling 'there is no spoon. there is no spoon.' anyway, the making-of segment was fun. laurence fishburne's everyday voice isn't nearly as deep, pretty carrie-anne moves like a girly girl, and keanu. ahhh keanu.

luke and i pondered some people's extreme dislike for keanu. he theorized it's the old jealousy thing. keanu experienced too much success too early, before he had time to mature as an actor, so people pounced on him every chance they got. i admire keanu's ability to take it all in stride and to keep his private life out of the public eye.

and we'd both still enjoy pulling a malkovich on him. it's not really that twisted, is it? teehee.

[4/12/2001 11:37:25 AM ]

brain dump time: so i want to take 2 classes this summer. one is a one-week intensive in web design (which should be cake if it weren't for the 9-5 daily schedule) and the other is a web-based management class. but aside from that there's also the programming classes work wants me to take. they should've started back in feb. but kept getting pushed back. one of the programming classes overlaps with the one-week intensive by a day. i'm trying to figure out if i can reschedule it or if i should skip one day of the web design class.

brian and mom came over after lion king last night. brian wanted to consult with luke on an art project, something about rocket engines and things exploding. anyway, his graduation ceremony will be sunday after we move. mom said she'll pay for our hotel if we want to go down day before. so we're thinking move friday/saturday, drive down saturday night, attend ceremony sunday morning, hang out and chill for a couple of hours, then drive back up.

travelling with baby. this should be interesting. he was very well-behaved when we drove up for grandma's funeral, but he was a tiny sleepy thing back then. now he's squirmy and restless. eeeeesh.

[snip] has turned me into the office goody goody because apparently *nobody else* has finished their article yet. this after an initial deadline of mar. 23?????? and we're going to print in a week and a half?!?!?!?!?!?! whatever. i don't like being the goody goody. i should trip and spill water all over something. better to be known as the office klutz than the goody goody.

need to get that henna tattoo NOW.

[4/12/2001 11:23:14 AM ]

TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING AT ONCE. MY HEAD IS GOING TO IMPLODE.

[4/11/2001 3:09:57 PM ]

went to lunch with the coworkers to celebrate our awards. [snip1] seemed pretty subdued, i'm guessing because her baby didn't get an award. even though [snip2] tried to be inclusive and said we all worked on all these assignments so we all deserve the awards, everybody knows it was mainly [snip3] who designed the dead tree stuff and me who cranked out the web site. anyway there was no toasting going on. just a lot of eating. now everybody's in a food coma.

so [snip4] was asking where everybody went to high school (gee, what a coincidence i was just thinking about h.s. this morning) and when i mentioned mine he and [snip5] teased me about going to a continuation school. they were right in that it *used* to be the last ditch school, but it got changed into a magnet school. that, however, was after their time. (they're *old*, haha) i tried not to be defensive since folks usually react the other way about the whole magnet school bit, but it's really strange to be thought of as a bad girl. i was planning to get a henna tattoo this summer, but maybe i should get it now. :-)

[4/11/2001 11:52:43 AM ]

i'm feeling pretty darn good about myself right now. just got word that the web site that i've been slaving over for the past 6 months has won a national communications award! woohoo!!!!! not bad for my first major web site :-)))))

competitors included:

the public relations depts of Costco, BMW, fidelity investments, hilton hotels, hyundai, john deere, knight ridder, lockheed martin, lucent, metlife, motorola, national assoc. of photoshop users, boeing,

AND

firms that designed for AOL, sega, major league baseball, NASA/kennedy space center, nature conservancy, columbia tristar, touchstone, dept of energy, general motors, blue cross, novell, pitney bowes, motorola, wells fargo, e-trade, deloitte consulting, dupont, congressional quarterly, USC, weather channel, ernst and young, godiva, u.s. dept of energy, lexus, make-a-wish foundation, american express, general motors, national park service, harvard, symantec, international monetary fund, seagrams, anheiser busch, general motors, jack in the box, compaq, ibm, sony, hewlett packard, eddie bauer, at&t, verifone, children's museum of LA, eastman kodak, vietnam veterans memorial foundation

and a bunch of visitor's and convention bureaus, including las vegas, etc.

[4/11/2001 10:05:59 AM ]

got in touch with [snip], a girl i knew back in high school. i saw her post on a message board set up by fellow alums. she left her email, which i took as an open invitation. we were friends for a while and then we grew apart, and her reply was appropriately guarded.

for a long time i just wanted to write off high school and forget all about it. it was a pretty miserable time socially/academically/personally. luke and i commisserated because he hated high school too. he could've put those columbine kids to shame, and thank god he didn't.

but after many re-examinations i realized much of my own misery back then had nothing to do with the kids around me. in fact, some of them, like [snip], were really nice people. i am still the same bitchy sarcastic smart-ass i was back then--which scared off some people and put off some others--i'm just a lot more confident and happy now.

it's amazing to watch michael become a little person. at first i was really afraid that he was going to turn into a little me, but now i'm thinking, that wouldn't be so bad, would it?

[4/11/2001 8:49:09 AM ]

the inspector is dropping off the inspection report tomorrow, either on our porch or at luke's office. if on our porch i asked if he could put it in a plastic bag, just in case the weather turns weird/wet. he suggested a freezer bag :-)

[snip] returns from europe saturday. i can't wait. she's become our mommy watching out for us. i want to ask her what we should do about the asbestos.

mostly i just want this whole thing over with. can't wait to go HOME.

[4/10/2001 5:01:50 PM ]

yay me! got 100 percent on my report! all that's left is the final in may. not only that, [snip] liked my article. just need to tweak a tiny bit and it's done. that'll wait for tomorrow. time to go home.

as we drove past the schools on our way back to work from the inspection, we watched the kids walking home. then city hall and the senior citizen center and the community garden and about 3 churches whooshed past and i was suddenly filled with a sense of belonging, a "this is my hood" kind of thing. and we haven't even moved yet. i've never had that feeling in any of the apartments. we got to know the neighborhood, but it never felt like home. so is this what happens when you sign your life away? hmmm.

[4/10/2001 3:29:26 PM ]

for the most part the house inspection went well, but the inspector found asbestos in the duct insulation in the attic. yikes!!! that stuff needs to come out or it's gonna be circulated throughout the house by the "excellent" air conditioning system and the "pretty good" heating system. hoping to somehow work it into the deal with the seller, either they fix it or lower the selling price.

[4/10/2001 3:23:58 PM ]

i'm getting really tired of how possessive and paranoid some people around here are. they do not own facts. if they were running the gov't, everything would be locked up and the public would be kept completely ignorant.

icq convo with luke:

me: great, not [snip1] too. "i'm concerned about how many things in my publication are found elsewhere..." she says to [snip2]. what the fuck??? her publication is supposed to be a rehash of everything excellent about this school!!! it's an advertising pamphlet, dammit!!!

luke: Oh my god, you're working with psychotic paranoid aliens.

me: :-P they're children. everything is "mine mine mine"!

luke: [snip2]! Julie's using the same font I am!!! Make her stop!

[4/10/2001 12:49:09 PM ]

going to do the house inspection now! :-)

[4/10/2001 9:19:06 AM ]

okay, there was slightly more to 'american beauty' than the soundtrack. the images were pretty damn beautiful too. the acting, for the most part, was exemplary. the editing was excellent. i remember people in the office talking about it when it was in the theaters. they hated it. i don't know if they were unnerved by it or they just didn't get it. the quote goes, happy families are all the same, but unhappy families are unhappy in their own ways. or something like that.

all i really want right now is some sleep.

[4/10/2001 9:00:14 AM ]

yet another sleepless night for luke. i slept right through it, not that it was much sleep. michael didn't go to bed til midnight, and even then he woke up three times. we gave him medicine, we warmed up the room, i don't know what else we could do. i'm tired, and luke is tireder.

[4/10/2001 12:26:09 AM ]

'american beauty' ... more than anything i loved the soundtrack. pure brilliance. without that it's just another mid-life crisis and teen angst movie rolled into one.

but it got us talking. yeah, luke and i don't always want the same things, but i've been afraid, deathly afraid of getting trapped in suburban hell. it's not as if it's all bad, but i wanted to believe that. what i regret is not having taken more chances. even more than what i've already taken. but maybe, just maybe that's an issue in and of itself.

[4/9/2001 11:23:01 PM ]

you know what i really hate? stupid people.

[4/9/2001 11:22:27 PM ]

what i want more than anything these days is for michael to sleep a full 8 hours. i think that's pretty sad.

beyond that, what i want is to be able to wake up at odd hours and wear something different everyday and experience new things and talk to people and take pictures and write and make music. but i don't think that's gonna happen because i already have a dream job and i don't think i'm original enough to be able to do whatever i want and get paid for it and what i really should be doing is checking my head.

[4/9/2001 4:58:11 PM ]

[snip] gave me the biggest compliment today. she said talking to me always makes her feel better. :-)

i'm having a hard time concentrating. i really need to start working out during lunch again. it wakes me up in the afternoon.

[4/9/2001 1:05:31 PM ]

michael is not well. i didn't call the doctor cuz i already know what's coming:

does he have a fever? give him tylenol. he's coughing? give him cough syrup. if he doesn't improve in 2 days, bring him in.

i hope he gets better soon. it's so sad to see him sad.

luke's turn to stress this week. he's got a project due monday. michael and i are gonna hang out and paaaaaarty.

[4/8/2001 11:55:20 PM ]

some people would say i'm just a typical chinese person. that's because they don't understand how much guts it actually takes to stand up for what you believe.

in the spirit of johnny mnemonic:

i deserve a clean shirt, dammit!!!!!

[4/8/2001 11:50:29 PM ]

i seem to recall dad had gotten a really bad deal when he first bought their house. i don't think he wants to believe his daughter is smarter or even just better informed than he is. i like to think i got the best of both worlds: thrift from him and the guts to haggle from mom. heh.

[4/8/2001 11:45:34 PM ]

got my report done and it's not even midnight yet. huzzah.

i've become so relaxed about my assignments. i still bitch and moan and hate life right up til i finish each one, but not as much as before.

tonight michael simply could not do without me. he kept screaming whenever luke closed the door to keep him from disturbing me, so we would end up opening it again. then he threw up all over. i wonder if he's allergic to milk or if it's simply because his baby gut is super sensitive when he gets agitated. probably the latter since neither of us is allergic to milk.

mom and dad got a taste of the baby today. after a full month of doing without i'm surprised they weren't more welcoming. dad didn't really care to hear about the house unless we had gotten a super-bad deal in which case he'd be able to tell us how stupid we are and give us belated advice. or maybe i'm just peeved.

still, with every passing day they're losing their grip on me.

whatever.

[4/8/2001 12:49:13 AM ]

[snip] had said i should take the directing class. i wish i'd done that. who knows what might have developed.

[4/8/2001 12:47:25 AM ]

saw hugo pool tonight. the 2 videotapes are due monday and the other one is american beauty. we've already rented that once before but didn't have time to see it before returning it. grrrr. i hope i finish my report with enough time to watch the tape tomorrow.

thoughts about hugo pool: downey sr. should've put in more little vignets. if alyssa milano really had 44 pools to clean i'd have loved to see more of them. most of the sequences were tedious because they were too long. make them snappy. patrick dempsey was good as the als sufferer, but one of those fantasy sequences would have been quite enough. sean penn could have done a great charlie chaplin with his character. *could have*. i really didn't get that whole sequence at the race track. whatever.

so i was saying, i like keanu reeves, but i would NOT want to be *with* him. i want to BE him. luke said 'me too.'

in the spirit of 'being john malkovich':

keanu. keanu keanu keanu. keanu? keanu!!! keanu...

[4/8/2001 12:34:21 AM ]

the save ferris concert got cancelled. in fact, *all* the performances got cancelled, thanks to the rain. we didn't find out til after dinner, some awful eggplant parmigiana from the italian fast food place down the street. other than the three tards behind the counter, the only other people were these four guys.

so here's the strange thing. as they were leaving i thought, wouldn't that be funny if they were save ferris? when i said this luke said that's exactly what he had thought when we first walked in. sadly, it's kind of unusual to see a white guy, 2 hispanic-looking guys, and an asian guy hanging together. i didn't know what save ferris looked like but luke sort of did. we're looking at their web site right now but it's hard to tell. www.saveferris.com

so we went to the movie theater cuz luke still had 2 passes but they weren't showing anything we wanted to see. we ended up spending the entire evening drinking coffee and talking about the house. i'm bummed about the concert getting cancelled. it was going to be free too. we don't have the money to get tix to see them at the house of blues. ah well.

[4/7/2001 3:48:50 PM ]

luke said he's already found our next house. it's a new development being built right now, prices starting mid-$700s, gulp. i'll have to see the layout first.

we looked up diner furniture prices. i only found one store with kind of what we wanted, about $500 for table and 2 chairs. i'm sure we'll end up going to that store in downtown orange even though there are white fogeys all over staring at us.

my report was coming along little by little. now i'm just procrastinating. i've got 1.5 hours before mom gets here. if the concert's been cancelled we'll just go to dinner and movie.

[4/7/2001 12:25:10 PM ]

the Huell Howser dog at Pink's consists of two hot dogs in one bun. maybe it's just me, but isn't that kind of suggestive? http://www.calgold.com/huell.html

luke is awake. he would have slept longer had i not gotten desperate. my $#@!ing report is due monday. sigh.

[4/7/2001 11:41:23 AM ]

it's raining outside, fairly hard too. i don't know how the save ferris concert is going to happen tonight. it's outdoors, the grass will be muddy. wouldn't be surprised if it got cancelled. bummer.

luke is sleeping. michael woke him up twice last night and he's tired. i can't start doing my work til he wakes up and watches michael. i multitask poorly. yesterday i looked away for 1 sec (maybe 2) and michael was climbing into a bunch of stacking baskets 3 feet off the ground. luke walked in and drew in a sharp breathe and yelled "michael! get down from there!" i startled as much as michael did.

right now baby's in my closet again, tearing toilet paper into small shreds. as long as he's not climbing.

i'm not feeling poetic. mundane is more like it.

[4/7/2001 12:27:14 AM ]

i'm making a postcard on usps.com to mail to sis! this is sooooo cool! i'm thinking about making "We've Moved!" postcards to send to people. am rediscovering the joys of cutting down trees.

[4/6/2001 8:50:00 PM ]

brain dump time...

signed the papers. [snip] is headed for holland tomorrow, so i'm glad we got it done before she left.

our inspection is scheduled for tuesday. if everything goes well we're giving notice so the managers can find another tenant to move in as soon as we move out. that'll lessen our penalty fees.

some time this week we'll go to city hall for the spa and patio cover permits. worst case scenario the spa doesn't work at all and we drain it.

the seller didn't have any contingencies for us. i guess that means 2 days after closing she's outta there and we're in.

luke said most of his coworkers were surprised at how little we're paying for our place.

my brain is mush. i feel distracted by my report due on monday and by the article i should have finished today. despite how much i write/communicate everyday, when it comes to formalized pieces i still feel nervous.

[4/6/2001 5:16:02 PM ]

last night both 'gilmore girls' and 'charmed' were reruns but we missed them the 1st time around so it wasn't a problem. i think it sucks that the awards totally kowtows to the major networks but disses TheWB. 'gilmore girls' is 100 times more entertaining than the typical 30-minute s*itcoms and just as good as the hour-long power-tripping lawyer/doctor dramas on the major networks. at least lauren graham presented at the awards this year. maybe next year she'll be nominated.

still need to see 'sweet november' http://www.sweetnovember.net

[4/6/2001 3:19:34 PM ]

just came back from the photo shoot. the kids were great. we asked them to just start jamming and they really got into it. one of them played something that sounded so familiar, then he said it was the gypsy kings and i was like, doh! of course! [snip] also got some shots of the recording console, which i didn't find very interesting, but it looks professional. i'm gonna have some great pix for my article, wheee!!!

[4/6/2001 1:36:21 PM ]

[snip] autographed his photo/printout of the galloping piglets for me. it's gorgeous. haven't decided whether it's going in the kitchen or bathroom. i'm going to buy a big pack of photo paper and ask [snip] to print out a few other of his photos, then cover the house with them.

there was this essay i read a few years ago in lit theory class about this... i like originals. even cheap semi-originals are better than raiding the print store. i hate prints. unless they're free. i refuse to pay for something that some profit-minded skank who probably knows nothing about art decided that the public *must* *have*

i hate it when people take advantage of artists. i like it when artists know what they're worth. even that guy at venice beach who answered "800 dollars" when i inquired about the little blue saturated piece that i liked so much. i stood there like an idiot gaping at him. then i said thank you and dragged luke along.

we paid 200 for a painting on our honeymoon. i've never regretted it.

[4/6/2001 12:13:38 PM ]

i feel so much better today, but luke didn't get enough sleep last night because of michael. i think michael has been getting nightmares. poor baby.

last time we moved michael was so agitated. he was only 3 months old but he knew things were changing. he's going to need a lot of TLC the next few months.

am looking forward to the meeting with [snip] tonight to sign all that paperwork.

[4/5/2001 5:02:00 PM ]

WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!!! WHEEEEE!!!!!

(the fools still haven't sent over their signature on the right line, but they opened escrow. who knew?)

:-)))))))))))))))))

[4/5/2001 3:56:24 PM ]

listening to Take the A Train. for some reason that song called out and i remembered the title. when the heck did i start remembering song titles?!

i'm clutching my red pen in one hand and black marker in the other, and the paper is screaming, edit me, edit me, edit the hell out of me baby!!!!! and i'm paralyzed from exhaustion. everything hurts: my back, my shoulders, my eyes, my head. if only this chair had a head rest.

dubya sucks. the mofo's trying to start a damn war with china.

[4/5/2001 3:38:44 PM ]

fixed pork chops for dinner last night. i can't remember the last time i cooked meat. the fridge still has a lb. of ground turkey, 2 steaks, a sausage, some hot dogs, and a huge bag of chicken breasts. i don't know if we'll be able to use them all up in time for the move. we eat so little meat. had vegetarian egg rolls and spicy thai noodles with tofu for lunch today. we went off campus. i really needed to get away.

this afternoon i did hardly any web work. mainly just focused on writing my article. the two require different lobes and i didn't want to have to switch back and forth. the only thing holding me back right now isn't writer's block but fatigue. i'm so tired...

[4/5/2001 2:07:40 PM ]

the weekend is going to be busy. i'm trying not to dread it too much. the one bright spot is the save ferris concert. wheee! if mom cancels on us i'm going to throw a tantrum. that's the sleep deprivation talking.

Found out our penalty for breaking the lease won't be much as long as we give enough notice for them to find a new tenant. Best case scenario, we pay only 3-4 days. Worst case scenario, we pay a whole month's rent. Now all we need is for them to agree to the offer and we can inspect the house and give our notice. %$#@! I wish that agent would call. Just sign on the correct line. Is that too much to ask?

[4/5/2001 1:52:12 PM ]

during the meeting [snip1] brought up something that she and i really should have discussed in private, but instead she chose to put it out there for *everybody*, so it was either cut her off at the pass or wait til the damage was done. so i did the first and she wasn't happy about it. whatever. i think she is very insecure about working with me because she has not the first clue about what i do. she's not the only one. i hate dealing with other people's insecurities. i have enough of my own to deal with.

other annoyances: [snip2] made some stupid comment about all the estrogen in the room. [snip3] said only guys use acronyms. the list would be longer except i stayed in my office all morning. i really really really need more than 5 hours of sleep.

[4/5/2001 8:59:15 AM ]

even though michael went to bed at 9pm last night, i think i only got 5 hours of sleep. damn insomnia. it's partly the 3am revelation and partly the 3 cups of coffee yesterday.

[4/5/2001 8:31:49 AM ]

I originally wrote this at 3 am...

The enormity of the situation hit me at 1 am when we got up to fix michael a bottle.

I don't talk about work much. As much as I am the working gal, I don't tend to identify myself with my work. I guess that's why it didn't hit me until now.

I am *important*.

Part of me is going Yippee Skippee! I finally MATTER! The other part is going Oh $H!T and trying to find something to duck behind.

I'm so used to dealing with technicalities that the big picture totally escaped me. My decisions affect people. A *lot* of people.

Now what I need to do is keep caring. The worst thing about people in charge is when they stop caring. I need to keep caring.

Now if only I can fall back asleep.

[4/4/2001 9:09:57 PM ]

it is 9pm and michael is asleep on the floor. luke is picking him up and putting him in bed. ohmygawd. this is too exciting. i might get 8 hours tonight. this is worthy of champagne.

[4/4/2001 8:27:32 PM ]

$#@%!!!!!

we're dealing with *idiots*. at 5 after 5 the fax arrived at luke's office. they signed on the *wrong* line. when the signature is on the wrong line, it's *not* a done deal. but unless they have a major change of heart tomorrow, the house should be ours.

i want to be drinking champagne right now, but it's kinda hard to celebrate when there's no closure.

[4/4/2001 3:57:00 PM ]

*twitch* *twitch* *twitch* *twitch* *twitch*

icq conversation:

[snip]: hows life?

me: it's nerve-wracking. we're waiting to hear about our counter offer to a counter offer. we bid on a house sunday and we keep going back and forth, mainly small details but our last move was to move the closing date. before that i felt like we pretty much had the house, but i don't know how much they're gonna like changing the date. we're supposed to hear sometime today.

[snip]: When my parents bought their last house, on the night before escrow was supposed to close, they would not accept the homeowners ins. policy. It was a major fight over nothing... We ended up at allstate at 9:00 pm signing a one month policy to get the escrow closed. Buying a house sucks... I want a new house so I do not have to deal with crap repair jobs and illegeal upgrades that you get stuck paying for.

me: this house was built in the 70s. any earlier than that and i'd be worried. it's also got new copper pipes and fairly new roof. if/when we get them to agree to the deal, we're heading down to city hall to get copies of the permits. i don't like the new houses being built these days. they're either expensive or in the boonies, and the designs suck.

[snip]: They have to be in the boonies... All the close places already have houses. I plan on moving to San Diego when I graduate. I am buying a 30-36' boat and a house.

me: why san diego? for the boat?

[snip]: The weather and the boat. Long Beach sucks for a slip and Newport is way too expensive.

me: you must really like to fish. i'd enjoying living at the beach. luke likes to scuba dive and i just enjoy the weather. just avoid the gun-toting teenage boys down there

[4/4/2001 3:29:47 PM ]

$#@%$#@!

[snip] just told me her fiance makes $3k a month. that's without a degree. and she says that's not much. i'm like *whatareyoutalkingabout*. after all the deductions taken out of our paycks, neither of us makes that much. and we're buying a house.

people are so $#@%ing annoying. get a damn savings account why don't they and learn how to balance a stupid checkbook.

i'm really grouchy.

she asked about my degree and i told her the wallpaper joke. i should have gotten an A.A. that's one extra piece of paper and a relatively cheap one at that. some guy with a website is trying to get an m.d., j.d., ph.d, and some other d. i think he's stupid. i think i'm stupid, but he's stupider.

[4/4/2001 2:41:45 PM ]

i have a dog in my door! the wood grain on my door looks like a chihuahua! or that blue dog in the commercials!

[4/4/2001 2:26:25 PM ]

saw the most bizarre looking bird. about the size of a pelican, black in a matte finish, very distinct feathers on the wings, a hooked bill with orange "cheeks," webbed feet, and round blue eyes the size of nickels.

i can't concentrate.

[4/4/2001 11:41:11 AM ]

*twitch* *twitch* *twitch* *twitch* *twitch* *twitch*

my monitor desktop has become an extension of my desk. it's got stuff scattered all over it, just like my desk. luke said his is like that too. i think that's funny. the only difference is i can't spill coffee on it. unless i trip and smash into it, i guess.

[4/4/2001 10:04:20 AM ]

first thing on the list: buy a damn washer/dryer!!!!! so tired of those quarter eating monsters in the communal laundry rooms. soon *cross fingers* we'll be able to wash michael's puke off his sheets even in the middle of the night, yay.

next thing on the list: drain that old spa and fill it with sand. teehee.

i wish they would call. her agent is probably fuming, but i recalculated and our counter offer actually saves her a few hundred dollars. i hope he doesn't lie to her.

[4/4/2001 8:52:57 AM ]

yesterday afternoon when we went to pick up michael, [snip] wasn't there. her daughter said she'd taken one of the kids to the hospital, something about an older kid hitting him and drawing blood. this morning we asked [snip] if the kid was okay, and she said yeah everything is fine, the kid had hit his head on a sharp corner. what the ??? we were already late for work so i didn't want to delve into it, or maybe i didn't want to find out she's lying.

she did suggest a good solution for michael refusing to go to bed. she's going to wake him up from his afternoon nap a little earlier. i hope that helps tonight. i'm so tired.

[4/4/2001 8:46:49 AM ]

i hope this will all be over soon. we haven't killed each other yet and i'd like to keep it that way.

[4/3/2001 11:34:09 PM ]

i pondered this when i first got the emergency contact list for the office. all the white folks live in white cities. so white we didn't even bother considering any of them. the armenian commutes from glendale, aka little armenia. the only black employee lives in the "bad" city. the asian guy lives in a dominantly asian city. me and the only other young asian female both live in much more diverse cities. for her it's because her parents live there. for me it was a conscious decision.

is that what it's gonna take? conscious decisions? if so, we're doomed.

[4/3/2001 11:26:39 PM ]

another thought... luke said [snip] felt bad about saying that thing about the maid. the way she dressed, if it had been a more posh block i might have assumed the same, but the hispanic population in this town is pretty substantial, which is why i automatically assumed she was the owner.

i don't think it's bad to be a maid. what i worry about is whether they're being taken advantage of.

the black population, on the other hand, is really really low. something like 5 percent in the local elementary school. i was pleasantly surprised to see the neighbors across the street were black.

we chose this town because the times article said it's the most diverse city in california. i'm glad it's living up to its label.

[4/3/2001 11:19:07 PM ]

luke said [snip] suggested that the elderly mexican lady who was there both times was the maid. since both of our visits took place on saturdays, i highly doubt it, though the last name on the counter offer doesn't seem hispanic. anyway, we feel bad for her because the games that her agent is playing isn't getting her the best deal. he's just trying to maximize his commissions. real estate games are bizarre. i never knew there were so many parties that stood to profit other than the seller.

i hope she likes our counter offer. it screws her agent a bit but it gets her the same deal. teehee.

[4/3/2001 5:10:53 PM ]

the trained chihuahua arrived an hour or two ago. with an acceptable offer even. (gulp!) we've been working on a counter offer that works out the kinks. our agent just faxed it to them. we are so close...

[4/3/2001 1:54:09 PM ]

michael is not coping with the time change well, and as a result, neither are we. i'm so sleepy right now.

still waiting for the trained chihuahua...

[4/3/2001 10:09:13 AM ]

the reason i find [snip] so unpleasant is her sarcasm and negativity. as sarcastic as i can be, i really do try to look on the positive side. she's negative-me to the power of 3. it gets really old really fast.

[4/3/2001 10:00:09 AM ]

they're sending over a counter offer. with the speed at which they move i wouldn't be surprised if it's being carried over by a trained chihuahua.

i'm in a twitchy mood. [snip] just arrived and she's a most unpleasant officemate.

[4/3/2001 9:23:25 AM ]

so this is what happens when two borderline obsessive-compulsives try to buy a house. we're both organizing our desk spaces. luke skipped a meeting yesterday because he couldn't bear to leave his desk for fear of missing Da Call. i was managing fairly well yesterday morning but by the afternoon i was a wreck. i got absolutely *nothing* accomplished. [snip1] and [snip2] managed to distract me with their own situations for an hour each. then it was time to go home, and in the car i had the most awful nausea.

i'm getting stressed over NOTHING. NOTHING is happening.

[4/3/2001 12:10:24 AM ]

*AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH*

that was my charlie brown scream. they're trying to drive us nuts. nuts nuts nuts. and it's working.

i'm really really really hoping that they assumed today was the start of the 24 hours. i would rather believe that than think a super lame realtor is holding up the sale of an old, paranoid, Catholic Mexican lady's house.

need to go to bed NOW before i keel over from lack of sleep.

[4/2/2001 5:07:16 PM ]

still waiting.

[4/2/2001 3:27:11 PM ]

trying to finish up the taxes. all i gotta do is figure out where to mail it, and the california franchise tax board website is majorly bogged down. this is taking much more time than it should. tttthhhhppppptttt.

started reading johnny mnemonic 2 days ago. luke lent me the book with the short story. ironically i was the one who gave him the book. the story is only 23 pages and william gibson's style is interesting, but i haven't had time to pick it back up. at some point i want to write about the story vs. the movie.

must read harry potter vol. 3 and 4. don't know when that's gonna happen.

still waiting.

[4/2/2001 2:31:31 PM ]

we've been at a stage 2 power alert all day, and the weather outside is breezy and beautiful. what could people be using so much electricity on? oh hell. why am i even pondering this. at the other office there were people using space heaters because the air conditioning was too high. idiots, all of them.

waiting for that call.

i'm eating sweettarts and getting a stomach ache. walked around so much today because i keep missing the tram, but the weather was so beautiful i really enjoyed it. also got a lot done.

still waiting.

[4/2/2001 10:39:25 AM ]

*twiddle* *twiddle* *twiddle* *twiddle* *twiddle*

morning's been busy but not busy enough to distract me...

when i mentioned our bid for a house, people seemed surprised, as if they thought we couldn't afford one. the hell, what are these people spending all *their* money on?! sometimes it feels like no matter how good it gets people are always complaining. if it's sunny they complain it's too hot. if it's rainy they complain it's too cold. their kids are too expensive and cause problems. their weekends are too short and their workdays are too long. then they laugh at the idea of joining a labor union. people love to martyr themselves.

[4/2/2001 10:32:30 AM ]

*twiddle* *twiddle* *twiddle* *twiddle* *twiddle*

[4/2/2001 1:00:12 AM ]

the study is still a nightmare, but it's coming together. it's too bad we let it go to waste for most of the past year, but oh well, we've been preoccupied. i've thrown out so much junk already. i'm determined to make the upcoming moving experience a bearable one.

my eyes are killing me. i need new contacts AND allergy medication.

that psych term 'liminality' (did i spell that right?) has been applicable for years, is really applicable right now, and will be applicable for at least the next decade. last year this time michael started daycare and i had just gone back to a crappy job. tons have happened since. and now things are changing again. i wonder when life is gonna slow down. and when it does, am i gonna take it ok?